tales of a swag-less chick

i have a friend at work who’s always fly. you know, hair done, nails done, everything big – fancy fly. she comes to the office with her reddish mohawk-styled hair, four-inch heels, cute & chunky accessories, pretty dresses, everything in place and just doing her thing. when i first took
my job i’d come to work and see her and then look down at my boring button down
shirt, ugly ass black slacks and ordinary flats…and sigh.

i used to be her.

well, minus the mohawk, but you know what i mean.

we’ve since become friends and during a recent conversation i told her that once upon a time i actually had style. (i’m pretty sure she didn’t believe me.) but i’m a fashion design major for goodness sake! i told her i had worked in the entertainment industry for over 10 years and could be creative as i wanted going to work, but after jumping into the corporate “business attire” world i totally lost myself.
business attire to me had always meant throwing on a cute pair of heels with my
jeans.

business attire? that means button down shirts, ugly ass black slacks and ordinary flats, right?

it also didn’t help that i left my entertainment industry career after i had my son. so not only was i not used to corporate culture and the whole dress code thing, but i was trying to dress this post-pregnancy body that i wasn’t used to. nothing fit the same, i couldn’t get any of my cute jeans over my new thicker thighs, all of a sudden i had a muffin top that bulged out over the waistline of any pants i wore. on top of that i had absolutely no
energy to work it off.

girlfriend didn’t want to hear any of my lame excuses. she just looked at me with all kinds of concern on her face and said in her deep southern lilt, “honey, you can’t lose your swag…especially when you’re married. you gotta look good for your husband.”

can i be completely honest here? it never even occurred to me before my conversation with my friend that i needed to be looking good for my husband. (i know what you’re thinking, but anyway…)

call me selfish, whatever, i’m an only child. blame my parents.

my style had always been about me. i wore what i wanted because it made me feel good and beautiful and sexy. i figured either my man would like it or not, but i wasn’t going out of my way to wow him.

so now i’m armed with a new perspective. promising myself to do better (and lose the muffin top in the process) and be that fly chick again. in fact, i donated a bunch of wack "i'm-trying-to-fit-into-the-corporate-world-wearing-all-the-wrong-stuff clothes so i won't be reaching for those to wear to the office.

but i’m wondering ladies, am i alone in this? have you ever gone through a time period where you just lost your swag and your style just became...blah? or are you always on top of your “fancy” game and never miss a beat?

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Comment by La Shawn Robinson on August 27, 2010 at 3:57pm: I hear ya! Just in general some individuals think that being fly is spending $$$. I get you...... cuz im one too that will shop, tj maxx, marhalls, burlington basically (anywhere). I'm lazy with the fancy- I gotta get my swag back!!!!!
LOL..... yes the big Tshirt to bed.....OMG!
I'm right there wit you----ur not alone

Comment by mama's got moxie on August 26, 2010 at 12:49pm: ha!! i know that's right @aliya!!!! ;) i'm luvin' that pic, btw!!

@marie, i know just what you mean. i get caught up in that comfort zone too! why throw on heels when my flip flops feel just fine! haha...

@aja yes, we both need to "set her free"!! it ain't like we ain't got it...somewhere, right?? :)

@lashawn i hear you too, but i don't even mean spending a whole lotta money. i'm used to being fly on the low, you know? (forever 21, anybody??!!) i've never been big on labels. i'm just talking about being a little more put together. you know rockin' a heel every now and then. maybe smackin' on some lip gloss. wearing something to bed that doesn't involve a drawstring or a shirt big enough to fit two people. :)

Comment by Aliya Yasmeen on August 25, 2010 at 8:46pm: YES I FEEL YOU...MY SWAGG IS DEFINITELY A-WALL. AND IT DOESN'T HELP THAT I AM TOO FIGHTING THE BABY WEIGHT STILL 4YRS LATER. AND LIVING IN ONE OF THE MOST EXPENSIVE CITIES, NY, DOESN'T HELP EITHER. SO I AM NOW IN MY THIRTIES..I WILL BE TURNING 33 THIS SEPTEMBER AND I REFUSE TO DO THIS ANYMORE....I WAS FLY BEFORE I MET BOTH OF THEM NEGROES(MY SON AND HIS FATHER) AND I'M BOUT TO BE FLY AGAIN...SHOOT I STILL LOOK GOOD!

Comment by Marie Chanté Flowers on August 23, 2010 at 10:01pm: No. You're not alone. I know this lady. I am her (most of the days). Not that I don't know swagg, just that I am most comfortable in sweats and t shirt. Not to mention my youngest is 9 and I still have that muffin top...sigh...I swear to you mama, just this morning I was thinking 'A sista could really use a lifestyle makeover!' sigh...

nope, not always on my fancy...and to be honest, I don't know a woman who is.

Comment by Aja Graydon Dantzler on August 23, 2010 at 7:27pm: I KNOW THIS FEELING ALL TO WELL. I KNOW YOU MAY BE THINKING THAT WITH THE SOMEWHAT GLAMOROUS NATURE OF MY JOB THAT I GET DRESSED UP ALOT BUT MY EVERYDAY, EFFORTLESS SWAG IF YOU WILL HAS FALLEN RIGHT INTO THE MOMMY ZONE AND I MUST SET HER FREE! I NEEDED TO READ THIS TODAY. THANKS BOO!

Comment by La Shawn Robinson on August 23, 2010 at 4:23pm: Definietly I think after awhile with age you may not be into the fancy fly style as much. For those who can spend like that --i aint mad but when you on a fixed income with a kids some things you have to sacrifice. Without all the name brand you could still look a million bucks no one has to know you rocking target wear, its all about the hook-up. Personally I like to look fly of course I mean you have more important things going on rather than keeping up with the joneses. Yeah I like nice things too but i also know my bills need to be paid on time every month. Child care is a must so we parents know what that expense can be like. Dont get me wrong i still get fancy but everything aint big. Been there done that I cant be cute rippin and runnin with the kids. Some can but not me i gotta be comfortable. When it calls for me to be fancy and fly ......by all means im there. I also beleive you should be comfortable within self but yes being cute for your man is sometimes a must.

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